You win an award for "Album Of The Year." What do you say in your acceptance speech? "This is great! Thank you!" "It's about fookin' time, you fookin' wankers!" "Apologies that the entire band couldn't be here tonight. We accept this award on behalf of all the band, and we thank you." "WALES!" "Thanks...and fuck Tony Blair!" "Wonderful...thank you...wait...did we release an album this year?" "Wow! I'm so happy I could...smash things!" "Thank you. And I'd love to invite all of you to my flat. Oooh-ah!" The biggest tragedy that's happened to your band thus far has been: There are no tragedies, luv. We smashed up some guitars, but we got new ones. Getting drunk, kicking out various band members, getting drunk again, picking fights with every other band, getting drunk... The disappearance of our rhythm guitarist and lyricist. That first album... If we've had a tragedy, we've gotten through it. We're too busy to be bothered by petty things. Tragedy? Is that when something bad happens? Hmm...well, our guitarist fell offstage once... Our drummer's hairdo. What is one thing that most people don't understand about your band? Our last couple of albums. Why our bassist wears women's clothing. Our accents. Our lyrics. That we're the best fookin' band in the whole bloody fookin' world, man! Our music, apparently. Our drummer's hairdo. Don't worry, we don't understand it, either. What's not to understand? However, I would gladly help you suss it out. Oh yeah!
Your music is best described as: Britpop. Pure rock and roll. Eclectic. Political. Happy...and sad...but comforting. Sexy. All right! Insane. The best fookin' music in the bloody fookin' world!
Your frontman is: A sex god. Rawr! Moody and unpredictable. Bright-eyed, kilted and child-like. Wild-haired and completely mad. Wee. Very wee. A rock and roll star, man. Always busy with the band or other musical projects. A guitar god.
Your song that first "broke" America was: The one about sex. Oh wait -- they all are! Ooooh-ah! We're still trying to break America. Bloody hell. An anthem for Generation X that wasn't "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Fuck America. They don't know good music when they hear it anyway. A song about rain. Seriously. Two words: "woo-hoo." I don't think America likes us. Oh well. Not that we care, anyway. Every bloody one! We're the best band in the fookin' world!
Your rise to fame is credited to: Catchy songs. Hard work. Being good mates and having fun doing what we do. Er...I don't know. Hey, you haven't got a guitar I could smash, would you? Good music, good alcohol, good sex. Oh! Our blunt opinions, determination and great lyrics. That god-damned "Creep" song. Being the best fookin' band in the bloody world! If the ultimate biography was to be written about your band, what would it be called? "From Small Town To Stadiums." "Eyeliner And Leopard Print." "The Best In The Fookin' World." "If You Think You're It, Then You're Shit." "Taking Over The World One Pop Song At A Time." "Evil Cogs Of The Bullshit Machine." "You Were Wonderful, Darling." "WAAAAAAHHHHH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"
You go on tour: Everywhere but America. When we feel like it. Constantly. Sure. Yes. Indeed. Whatever. Ahhhh! A bit, yes. We love people. Quite often, with or without the entire band. All the bloody time! Unless that fookin' wanker quits the band again. Bloody hell, man! We tour? And finally, where do you think you'll be in ten years? WALES! In the rock and roll hall of fame, man! Fucked if I know. We just take it one day at a time. Smoking a cigarette. Alright! Don't even say that! I'll be in my thirties! Creating innovative music. And we don't care if no one likes it. Whether we're together or split up, we'll always be working in music. Not sure, but the moment we stop having fun, we'll stop. 'Cos aside from being in a band together, we're best mates.