Your current occupation: Hitman. Writer. Record shop owner. Puppeteer. Playwright. High school student. Currently unemployed. Slacker. Your most common accessory: Beer. Gun. Pair of skis. Wire-rimmed glasses. Marionette. Tan trenchcoat. Copy of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" (on vinyl, of course). Tape recorder. Most of your time is spent: In John Malkovich's head. In a record shop. In a mansion or court room. Attempting suicide or just making an ass of yourself. In a theatre. Killing people (but it's just part of your job). With the love of your life. Hitchhiking across America.
The most odd person you know is: A transvestite. A highly-opinionated music elitist. A woman whose "kids" are monkeys and other animals. A female aspiring musician who is still bitter about her last relationship. Your entire graduating class. Your sex-crazed, beer-guzzling buddy who lives in Los Angeles. Your entire family, your neighbours and basically everyone else. The actors in your play.
Your way of saying "I love you" is to: Serenade your crush with Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes." Buy flowers. Perform a puppet show. Make a mix tape. Kill everyone that's out to get your crush's father. Turn down cheap sex for true love. Attempt to kill yourself in various ways. Propose marriage and admit you're not an artist.
Your personal quote: "If you really wanted to mess me up, you should have gotten to me earlier!" "I am a whore!" "Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintery economic climate." "Oh good. Cheetos in Alberquerque...I can hardly wait!" "I'm not married, I don't have any kids, and I'd blow your head off if someone paid me enough." "I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky." "I gave her my heart. She gave me a pen." "This place is fantastic! It's like 'Gone With The Wind' on mescaline. They walk imaginary pets here -- on a fucking leash. And they're all heavily armed and drunk. New York is boring!"
In your free time, you: Reorganize your record collection. Revise your latest play (again). Stick Q-Tips up your nose. Spend time with a transvestite and a gay man. Create puppets modeled after your crush object. Find creative ways to guzzle beer. Practice kickboxing. Visit your hometown. The U.S. state that best matches your current location is: California. New York. New York -- Broadway, darling. Georgia. Michigan. Washington. Illinois. I'm always on the road, man!